Percy Jackson & the Conversations of Crack
by Moki Hunter
Summary: Collaborated script style crack writing about the events of Percy Jackson, as well as Heroes of Olympus. Insanely hilarious but beware of excessive bad language and a few sexual references (in case that's not your thing, haha). Will be updated randomly!


_Digital-Sploosh_**Grover:** derp. Imma look for Pan bye guys have fun with Luke.

_TopHat-Queen_**Mr D:** whatever *drinks diet coke*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Luke:** shit look what I did. *commits suicide* I love you guys. Sorry.

_TopHat-Queen_**Gaea:** kronos really you idiot

_TopHat-Queen_**Gaea:** thats it i'm bringing the giants back into this

_Digital-Sploosh_**Chiron/Lupa:** well shit. Teaaaaaaam work.

_TopHat-Queen_**Reyna:** what no /GET THIS FOOL OUT OF HERE HE BLEW MY HOME UP/

_TopHat-Queen_**Piper:** but- we weren't really together?

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** Bro your sis is hot.

_TopHat-Queen_**Annabeth:** but where is percy ;A;

_Digital-Sploosh_**Percy:** I can only remember Annabeth WTF

_TopHat-Queen_**Stheno:** Free samples!

_TopHat-Queen_**Random guy:** Stupid teenagers falling from the sky! I'm late!

_Digital-Sploosh_**Tyson:** BROSKI

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** wtf

_Digital-Sploosh_**Percy:** Hazel and Frank this is Annabeth

_Digital-Sploosh_**Frank:** I'm a shapeshifter I own you all

_TopHat-Queen_**Annabeth:** *puts percy into wrestling hold thing* don't you ever leave me again

_TopHat-Queen_**All da romans:** HEY WHAT IS SHE DOING

_MokiHunter_**Percy:** I won't, I won't, I swear! *hugs Annabeth tightly*

_TopHat-Queen_**Reyna:** wat

_TopHat-Queen_**Eliodon:** HEHE WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO

_TopHat-Queen_**Eliodon:** -blows up camp-

_Digital-Sploosh_**Jason:** Hey Percy lets go to war on Black Jack and Tempest.

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** My life is dependent on a fucking stick.

_MokiHunter_**Percy:** Blackjack will totally PWN you.

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** I died and came back

_MokiHunter_**Blackjack:** See ya, boss!

_Digital-Sploosh_**Thalia:** I was a tree bitches.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Annabeth and Percy:** GET US OUT OF HERE

_MokiHunter_**Anrachne:** MWAHAHA. No.

_MokiHunter_**Leo:** Gais, I'm gonna come up with a great contraption to get us down there and _out of harm._

_MokiHunter_**Hazel:** Ehh, I dunno...

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** *falls through ground*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** JASON OMFG

_MokiHunter_**Leo:** Sorry, Pipes. I'll get him back in a sec-

_TopHat-Que_en**Percy & Annabeth:** quietly sobs on each other's shoulders

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *sighs* Don't worry, I got it. *transforms into a hwak* CAW CAW MOTHAFUCKAS.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** don't call me Pipes.

_TopHat-Queen_**Jason:** HEEEELP MEEEE

_MokiHunter_**Hazel:** *rolls eyes* *controls ground and brings dirt back up so Jason is up again*

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** Jesus, Leo, you gave me a heart attack.

_TopHat-Queen_**Leo:** hey that was my job D:

_TopHat-Queen_**Leo:** I was supposed to save him D:

_MokiHunter_**Leo:** Well... technically, it's Zeus, but-

_Digital-Sploosh_**CHB:** someone get Percy and Annabeth?

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** *glare*

_TopHat-Queen_**Gaea:** Zeus.

_MokiHunter_**Ouranos:** GAEA, I'M STILL HERE HONEY.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Thalia:** OMFG BABY BRO ARE YOU OKAY? Yea? Go get my BFFs.

_TopHat-Queen_**Gaea:** FUCK OFF I'M WITH TARTARUS NOW

_Digital-Sploosh_**Tartarus:** …

_TopHat-Queen_**All da Giants:** Mom! Dad! D:

_MokiHunter_**Ouranos:** OH I SEE HOW IT IS. SO YOU'D LIKE TO BANG A FUCKING PIT OF DARKNESS RATHER THAN THE MOTHERFUCKING SKY OF LIGHT AND AWESOME. I SEE.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Tartarus:** I may just eat Percy and Annabeth while they're here.

_MokiHunter_**Percy:** Aw HELL no. *holds Annabeth tight*

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Giants:** yo momma we lost.

_MokiHunter_ **Gaea:** SHUSH, CHILDREN.

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Percy:** damn right you lost

_MokiHunter_ **Jason: **Hell yeah.

_TopHat-Queen_ **Annabeth:** you will pay for sending us to tartarus tho D:

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian: **LOL TEDDY BEAR SLAUGHTER

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Everyone:** fuck you.

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian:** Excuse me bitch at least I didn't try to explode the Roman camp

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian:** -glares at Leo-

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** Hey! Don't look at me!

_TopHat-Queen_ **Leo:** that was a elio- eliothing

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian:** Eidolon

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian:** Come on Leo it's at the back of the fucking book

_Growlipsis_ **Octavian:** I can break the fourth wall swag

_MokiHunter_ **Percy:** C'mon guys, it wasn't his fault. ALTHOUGH, it would be nice if you guys could STOP WORRYING ABOUT THE FUCKING TEDDY BEARS AND GET US OUT OF HERE.

_TopHat-Queen_ **Leo:** the book is still on the ship shush

_Growlipsis_ **Tyson:** I am a monster?

_TopHat-Queen_ **Annabeth:** mark of athena whimper

_MokiHunter_ **Percy:** It's okay bby we're here together

_Growlipsis_ **Ma gasket:** Yo guys get my chilli sauce

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** *starts singing* REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOOD-

_MokiHunter_ **Piper:** LEO, STAHP.

_TopHat-Queen_ **Hazel: **shut up

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Jason:** seriously dude stop.

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** Frank bby can you only turn into animals or can you turn into inanimate objects?

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** *pouty face* Well geez, tough crowd then.

_TopHat-Queen_ **Percy:** twitchy

_MokiHunter_ **Frank:** *raises eyebrows* Whyyyyyyy?

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** CAN YOU TURN INTO DILDOS

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** Can I get an answer or no?

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** Also what's a chicken nugget?

_MokiHunter_** Frank:** I... *stutters* think it's only, *clears throats* animals. But hey *playfully shoves* ever heard of the cowgirl? I can be a real stud for you.

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** I wasn't actually interested myself

_Growlipsis_ **Hazel:** Reyna probably wanted a go

_MokiHunter_ **Frank:** *abashed* I uh... oh. *blushes embarassed*

_Growlipsis_ **Leo:** hue

_Growlipsis_** Leo:** Frank's upset.

_MokiHunter_ **Jason:** *pats Frank's shoulder* it's okay dude, maybe next time.

_Growlipsis_ **Leo:** But if you're interested, Hazel..

_Growlipsis_** Leo:** I can help with your desires

_MokiHunter_ **Hazel:** *smacks*

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** Woah, harsh. 0_0 though I probably would have done the same. Even to seaweed brain.

_Growlipsis_ **Leo:** I was just saying I could build you this really freaking awesome vibrator..

_MokiHunter_ **Percy:** Wait woah what? o-o

_MokiHunter_ **Hazel:** mmmmm, no.

_MokiHunter_ **Hazel:** But thanks anyway.

_Growlipsis_** Leo:** Okay sweetie. *secretly fangirling*

_MokiHunter_ **Piper:** Oh gods. *facepalm*

_Growlipsis_ **Leo:** Btw I'm totally rad #skinnythenewbuff

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** Of coooourse you are. *smiles sympathetically*

_Growlipsis_ **Narcissus:** Bitch I'm the sexy one here

_TopHat-Queen_ **Hedge:** *comes upstairs* YOU ARE ALL GROUNDED

_Growlipsis_** Leo:** Yoooo man that's not cool

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Jason:** Aww come on Coach...

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** No worries Annabeth we can be grounded together

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** Oh yes, but we can also sneak out and do something fun.

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** Ooooh hot

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** You know, like surfing?

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** Can someone turn on the AC? Like seriously it's really hot

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** .. LEO

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** ON IT, HOLD ON DUDE.

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** I meant put out your flames your nose is on fire

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** Wait what *stares at nose* OH, OW. HAWT HAWT.

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Piper:** *facepalms*

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** Hahaha, jk can't feel nothin'. *snuffs it out* *grins*

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** Much better

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** Hey, at least we don't need a fireplace

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** *nudges Hazel* hey hey, wouldn't you agree I'm really hot though? I mean c'mon seriously?

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** Hey! I resent that!

_Growlipsis_ **Percy:** You love it really

_TopHat-Queen_**Hedge:** leo , frank, percy, Jason go below deck

_Growlipsis_** Leo:** No way bitch I gotta control this ship

_MokiHunter_ **Frank:** Sure coach. *turns into a small lizard and escapes through the floor*

_TopHat-Queen_ **Hedge:** annabeth, piper, hazel go to to your rooms

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** Sure thing coach... *grabs Percy's arm*

_MokiHunter_** Percy:** Woahkay! *is dragged behind*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hedge:** LEAVE PERCY OUT OF YOUR ROOM

_TopHat-Queen_**Hedge:** From now on you aren't allowed ppl of the opposite gender in your room

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** I WASN'T TAKING HIM TO MY ROOM.

_MokiHunter_**Percy:** But but, Coach!

_TopHat-Queen_**Hedge;** Annabeth i told you to go to your room *angry mother face*

_MokiHunter_**Percy:** It's okay coach, we're going to our own rooms. No worries. *winks at Annabeth*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hedge:** just don't make me put bells on you

_MokiHunter_**Leo:** 0_0

_Growlipsis_**Leo:** C'mon man we 'ain't goats or cattle we don't need bells

-everyone is in rooms-

_MokiHunter_ **Leo:** *crawls into Hazel's room* *sits on wall* sssssssmokiiiiiiin laadeh

_MokiHunter_**Hazel:** 0_0 DA FAQ YOU DOING IN MY ROOM

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *gets restless* *exits room as quietly as possible* *sneaks to annabeths room*

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** *looks up* Oh hey, Percy. *smiles* so how about that surfing trip?

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *smiles back* I dunno- you think hedge would go through with the bells?

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** Even if he did, we could always take them off.

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *laughs* Well, I have the feeling that if we did leave, they might take off without us. Although... there are things one can do without leaving the ship.

_MokiHunter_ **Annabeth:** *smirks* I think that's a great idea. If only we could be alone...

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** I doubt we'll be able to hide in the stables this time.. they would probably search there first.. *alsosmirking*

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** Hmmm, we could always lock the door. *smirk*

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** I like the way that you think

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** Well, I am the daughter of Athena.

_Growlipsis_**Hedge:** DON'T YOU GUYS TRY ANYTHING I GOT LEO TO INSTALL CAMERAS IN YOUR ROOMS

_Growlipsis_**Hedge:** WHY DO YOU THINK I TOLD YOU TO GET CHANGED IN THE BATHROOMS?

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *walks over to Annabeth* *hears Hedge* oAo*

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** *smirks* *holds up broken cameras* Alright coach! We're not doing anything, don't worry!

_TopHat-Queen_**Leo:** eheheheh sorry! Wrong room... A

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** HEY. *turns from lizard to human again* *tries pushing Leo out*

_TopHat-Queen_**Leo:** HEyehey! i know where the exit is! *backs out of door* Hazel

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *kisses Annabeth* *whispers* Ah, its nice to be alone...

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:***blush* I- uh... *fans her face*

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** *kisses back* Yeah, I know. *smiles*

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *smiles like an idiot*

_Digital-Sploosh_ **Leo:** -walks in- Hey Annabeth can I get some help with somet- WOAH MAN SHUT THE DOOR IF YOUR GONNA DO *gestures* THAT.

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** *remembers she has been wearing only a bra and her pants/underwear this entire time* Um. *blushes worse*

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *just seems to notice now* Oh, uh, I can leave if you want. Sorry!

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** MOTHER OF HADES LEO *splashes with water* D:

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** Could you.. um.. hand me that shirt on the bed?

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** Uh, yeah, sure! *goes to grab shirt shyly*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** WHAT THE HADES PERCY! *tries to light up and can't* YOU PUT ME OUT MAN

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** *shoves Leo's shoulder, trying to get him out* Don't make me pull my knife on you, Leo! That door WAS locked. I made sure of it.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** Uhh, it wasn't even shut all the way

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** *eyetwitch* GET OUT. GET. OUT.

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** *glares* _Suuuure_ it wasn't shut all the way.

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *hands Hazel the shirt*

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *trying not to look*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** IT WASN'T I SWEAR -flees to Hazel's cabin-

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** *takes shirt from Frank and their hands brush* I um.. thanks... *moreheavyblushing*

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** N-no-no problem. *grins stupidly* *gets closer subconsciously*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** *screeches as leo comes in* ASDAFAAAAA *smacks leo over the head with the shirt in her hand*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** HAZEL I AM SCARRED FOR- shrieks- WHAT IS IT COUPLE DAY?!

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *dies of embarrassment* LEO.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** FRANK.

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *turns into a ram* *snorts, putting horns towards Leo*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** BOys please D:

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** Oh holy gods - almost runs out -

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *charges*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** Boys! D: Fraannnkk! D:

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** OH CRAP -turns and runs into a facefull of door- owww

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *runs after, breaking the door*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** What is that noise?

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** All I wanted to do was get dressed D:

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** *shrugs* I don't know, but it doesn't sound good.

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** What in olympus is going on...?

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** OH MY GODS FRANK CHILL

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** Should we go see?

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** Couldn't hurt. *runs to go see*

_MokiHunter_**Frank:** *smirks* *laughing*

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** Somebody help me please! AHH!

_MokiHunter_**Annabeth:** Oh gods, probably nothing good- *stumbles upon Leo* Leo, what the hell is going on?

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** Guys D: I just wanted to get dressed but SOMEONE decided to be a little pervert ;A;

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** Leo what'd you do _now?_

_Digital-Sploosh_**Leo:** Can we discuss this _after_ you save me?

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** *still hasn't put shirt on*

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** For the love of the gods. Someone give Hazel a shirt, Frank c'mon stop being mean, and Leo, STOP GOING INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S ROOMS WITHOUT KNOCKING FIRST.

_Digital-Sploosh_**Piper:** Sparky, she has a shirt. She just hasn't put it on.

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** *a ruby pops up in front of leo* */letrip/*

_TopHat-Queen_**Hazel:** oh uh D: *hides in corner and puts shirt on*

_MokiHunter_**Jason:** What the hell is going on guys?

_TopHat-Queen_**Percy:** let me explain you a thing...

* * *

This was all done in a chat on deviantArt, and you can look up our usernames there quite easily. Hope you guys enjoyed, haha. We sure did! xD


End file.
